Wonderful people wander into our lives. Some stay for years and some only for seconds. Each day you experience a multitude of moments that make their imprint on your life. Like a flitting dragonfly, skimming so close to the water, we traverse through our routines each day. We pay no notice to the beauty of chance instants…the instants that make us exhale, make us smile, give us joy for a brief twinkling.

Today I begin to share my moments with you. Today I promise to savor my moments.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Just Me

I watched an old episode of "Sex and the City" today.  I know the show is dribble, but I loved it on HBO in its heyday and I still love the reruns. The first movie was closure for us fans and the second was....well, horribly bad double dribble, even for us fans.

Today's episode was about the gals being, what else? SINGLE.  No surprise there.  The plot was Miranda buying a condo on her own. In signing all the loan and closing forms she was asked about a husband and if Daddy was putting down the down payment so many times that Carrie's narration was "in a couple of hours Miranda had checked more single-woman boxes than her gynecologist." Ba-duump, buh!

I love that line....and I know how it feels. I felt it when I bought my first house. I felt it in business situations in my 20s and 30s.  I felt it until I was married and now that I am just me again, I feel it simply filling out forms at the doctor and at the bank. There is a quirky new difference, though.

Recently, I filled out a form and marked single.  When the form was read I was asked had I ever been married.  I answered yes.  Then I was asked if I was divorced or widowed. What? Why?  What difference does it make?  Seriously.  I marked single so this should be a non-issue.  Does it matter whether I ran him off and he's still living or if I drove him into an early grave?  The questioner is never going to meet him, so what's the interest?  He has no input in my medical, financial or any other standing, so whose business is it what I once was or wasn't?  I really don't get this.  Is it curiosity?  Non-belief?  The need to hone in on my single-ness?

Before marriage I would mark single and that was it.  Since becoming just me again, I have marked single and at least half the time I get the follow up questions, rather than just accepting that I am single.  I have to believe it is because I am no longer 20-something.  

Is it that if I am in my 40s that surely I am not just me, just single? Surely I have been married? It makes me feel like the questioner is giving me a second chance to declare that, okay, if I'm not currently married, at least I have been.  Is divorced or widowed somehow more desirable, more valued than single? I should understand that I need to declare to the world that I have had the capability of snagging a husband? On applications and questionnaires I get to choose my title of Miss, Ms. or Mrs.  I can choose to keep my married name or revert back to my maiden one.  So, why can't I choose my status?  

And, if you get divorced, are you divorced until you remarry?  What if you never remarry? Are you destined to live out life with the divorced label? In the future, if I choose to live with someone instead of getting married, am I going to be divorced-with-live-in-man? That's not on any forms that I've seen. Divorce happens and people move on.  Why does their status have to remain stagnant, stuck in divorce gear? 

I chose to mark single as a sign to me that I am me, just me...not me-who-didn't-make-it-work-and-got-divorced.  So, that is my decision and I am sticking to it.  If I mark single and you ask me if I have ever been married, please note, and do not be surprised when I answer, I am me, just me...and that is good enough for your form, your curiosity and, most importantly, for me.

NOTE: I love reading your comments and emails.  Thanks for all thr great info I have received and I hope I've not missed replying to anyone!

Thanks for passin' by today. 
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