Just Me

I watched an old episode of "Sex and the City" today.  I know the show is dribble, but I loved it on HBO in its heyday and I still love the reruns. The first movie was closure for us fans and the second was....well, horribly bad double dribble, even for us fans.

Today's episode was about the gals being, what else? SINGLE.  No surprise there.  The plot was Miranda buying a condo on her own. In signing all the loan and closing forms she was asked about a husband and if Daddy was putting down the down payment so many times that Carrie's narration was "in a couple of hours Miranda had checked more single-woman boxes than her gynecologist." Ba-duump, buh!


I love that line....and I know how it feels. I felt it when I bought my first house. I felt it in business situations in my 20s and 30s.  I felt it until I was married and now that I am just me again, I feel it simply filling out forms at the doctor and at the bank. There is a quirky new difference, though.


Recently, I filled out a form and marked single.  When the form was read I was asked had I ever been married.  I answered yes.  Then I was asked if I was divorced or widowed. What? Why?  What difference does it make?  Seriously.  I marked single so this should be a non-issue.  Does it matter whether I ran him off and he's still living or if I drove him into an early grave?  The questioner is never going to meet him, so what's the interest?  He has no input in my medical, financial or any other standing, so whose business is it what I once was or wasn't?  I really don't get this.  Is it curiosity?  Non-belief?  The need to hone in on my single-ness?


Before marriage I would mark single and that was it.  Since becoming just me again, I have marked single and at least half the time I get the follow up questions, rather than just accepting that I am single.  I have to believe it is because I am no longer 20-something.  


Is it that if I am in my 40s that surely I am not just me, just single? Surely I have been married? It makes me feel like the questioner is giving me a second chance to declare that, okay, if I'm not currently married, at least I have been.  Is divorced or widowed somehow more desirable, more valued than single? I should understand that I need to declare to the world that I have had the capability of snagging a husband? On applications and questionnaires I get to choose my title of Miss, Ms. or Mrs.  I can choose to keep my married name or revert back to my maiden one.  So, why can't I choose my status?  


And, if you get divorced, are you divorced until you remarry?  What if you never remarry? Are you destined to live out life with the divorced label? In the future, if I choose to live with someone instead of getting married, am I going to be divorced-with-live-in-man? That's not on any forms that I've seen. Divorce happens and people move on.  Why does their status have to remain stagnant, stuck in divorce gear? 


I chose to mark single as a sign to me that I am me, just me...not me-who-didn't-make-it-work-and-got-divorced.  So, that is my decision and I am sticking to it.  If I mark single and you ask me if I have ever been married, please note, and do not be surprised when I answer, I am me, just me...and that is good enough for your form, your curiosity and, most importantly, for me.



NOTE: I love reading your comments and emails.  Thanks for all thr great info I have received and I hope I've not missed replying to anyone!

Thanks for passin' by today. 

Glad you got around this way~

Now click on COMMENTS to have your say!

GLUTEN-FREE AND ME

Today is the first day of my gluten-free month.  My doctor (and many bloggers) recommended I try gluten-free for 30 days to see if my Lupus sypmtoms feel any relief or ease. 

As I eat my salad with spicy tuna and sunflower seeds and enjoy a Cascade Ice sparkling water, I decided to read up on some gluten-free info for inspiration.  In my search I came across the the blog pic above that I just love and it is on the sidebar with link.

I found the pic on the Denver Examiner's site and they had a great list of gluten-free blogs that I am excited to read.  I've posted the list below and I will, of course, update you on anything I find of real interest. 

Well, I've finished my salad, sans dressing, and it was de-lish-us!  I have fresh strawberries for desert.  So, far, Day 1 hasn't been difficult and it's been really easy on my calorie count.  The carb count is just a tad better.  Breakfast was Chobani greek yogurt, walnuts with 3 Sweetriot dark cacao nibs and an apple.  Haven't planned out dinner, yet, hmmmm. 

Anyways, here's to a gluten-free me and I'm gonna go read some from the lsit below! 

•  Elana's Pantry -Author of The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook and recipe blogger
• Beyond Rice Cakes -Author of Beyond Rice Cakes: A young persons guide to cooking, eating & living gluten-free and recipe and news blogger
• Gluten Free Girl-Author of Gluten-Free Girl and recipe blogger
• Karina's Kitchen -A blogger with 400 gluten-free recipes, many vegan and vegetarian
• Gluten Free Mommy -A blogger with great, easy recipes
• Hold The Gluten -A blogger with recipes and an informational podcast
• Delightfully Gluten Free -A blogger with news, product info, and recipes
• Life After Gluten - A Denver local and professional chef with great recipes
• No Gluten, No Problem -A Boulder local with recipes and restaurant reviews
• Gluten Free Gobsmacked -A blogger with great recipes and a personal touch
• The Crispy Cook -A grower who cooks with fresh ingredients from her garden
• Gluten Free Steve -A Denver local with witty insights and fantastic recipes
• Gluten Free Blog -Author of Gluten-Free and Wheat-Free Gourmet Desserts
• Continue reading on Examiner.com Top 13 gluten-free blogs - Denver Gluten-Free Food | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/gluten-free-food-in-denver/top-13-gluten-free-blogs#ixzz1XO1xCbvV

NOTE: I love reading your comments and emails.  Thanks for all thr great info I have received and I hope I've not missed replying to anyone!

Thanks for passin' by today. 

Glad you got around this way~

Now click on COMMENTS to have your say!

 

Behind the Front Door

(Reposted from my former blog - written June 2010.)

                                                


I am really sad tonight. I have lived next door to Doc Jones for six years and have known him in passing since 1985. Yet, I had no idea what had happened to him in this last year and a half. I didn't know what was happening behind the front door that was right next to my front door.

Doc was a part-time doctor by the time I met him in 1985. He would travel out of town to rural clinics a couple of days a week. He was married to his second wife who was a former nurse in his practice. They had a child, Neil, his second son.

Six years ago I moved in here next door to him. He was divorced again. His son Neil had graduated high school and was having some emotional issues stemming from drug use and was hospitlized off and on for 3-4 years.

Doc still doctored part time and would bike ride on nature trails most mornings a couple miles from our neighborhood. As I left for work I would wave to him loading his bike onto his Subaru.

Then 3 years ago I noticed some different people around his house...a 40ish woman with a grown daughter and teenage son. (Doc was early 60s by this time.) She was a nurse from his current practice.

Then 2 years ago I noticed they had married.

Then I noticed nothing. No people. No comings or goings.

This past Christmas Doc's trademark one red porch lightbulb and one green porch lightbulb appeared. I thought ok, he's just slowing down and she must park in the back. The kids were old enough to be gone.

Then about 3 months ago I saw Doc walking kind of off kilter. I wondered as I waved and drove off to work if he had had a stroke. No, our neighbors would have called. Afterall, we have several street parties a year, make and bake Christmas cookies for our older neighbors, have hayrides and cookouts, enjoy the status of being the biggest and oldest neighborhood association in our town. If we do all that then surely a stroke would have been reported...yeah, nah, he didn't have a stroke.

Ok, he didn't. He had several. He also had his all of his money taken from his bank accounts by that third wife. She divorced him and was gone. He had to sell his house. It was in such disrepair inside that he didn't get much for it. The buyer let him rent the place for the last year. Then Doc got to the point he could not live alone anymore and his son Neil got him into a care facility. The roles had reversed.

Now, the front door next door has no family behind it. No Doc Jones. I am sad about that but sad also that the family behind my front door did not know about, do anything or care enough to find out about Doc's troubles that were all just next door.

I don't know where Doc is, but I pray for him.

I don't know who will move in next door. I know I am going to make a point to do more than just wave to them as the years go by, though.

I'm not going to miss Doc's trademark Christmas lights because I am going to put in a green and a red porch light each holiday season in honor of him.

Don't wait till front doors open...go knock!