School Days, School Dazed

So, school....yep, I did it....last night I went and rgistered for grad school.  Going back after 20 years is going to be fun interesting intense an experience.  Honestly though, now that I have made the decision, I really am excited to get started.

I am looking forward to meeting new people, learning new things and just going through the whole experience itself.  It's too bad that college is not sequenced naturally into our older lives because learning is so different when you are more mature and truly interested in what you are paying all that money for each semester. :)

Yeah, I know that right now I still have the romantic view of school and, when the assignments and exams start adding up on the calendar, I will quickly adopt the realist's view of "what did I sign up for - I'm too old for this mess?!?!"

I have just been looking for that next step in my life.  I have fought two things for many years.

  1. All the women in my family have been teachers.
  2. I'm not going back to school.

Now, after all these years I really would like to consider teaching English on some level...not just English, but Literature.  Looking at educational paths towards this I have made the decision to complete my master's and then push for a PhD. 

Up to now I have been reluctant, no scared, to think very far ahead.  I have Lupus and I have spent the last 5 years+  allowing Lupus to drape my future in gloom.  I have played into it, rather than fight it.  I have accepted it, rather than relegate it to the backburner of my life. 

I have taken each crisis and disappointment in the last 5 years and colored them in Lupus Grey.  "Oh, if I didn't have Lupus this wouldn't have happened," or some version of that statement/excuse/cop-out.  Thanks to progressing through my therapy, from the effects of it and forward into regjoining Life, I can see that darkness for what it was.  The real joy is seeing the dawning of sunlight on my future.

Who knows if I will follow through all the way with my PhD?  For me, right now, it is not the accomplishment I crave, but rather the reality of it as a possibility.  To have the clouds lift and feel the warmth of potentiality is my accomplishment for now.  So, off to school I go!